Good morning. I am so sleepy this morning. I have a wisdom tooth that I needed cut out years ago that is starting to bother me. I was awake in pain for most of the night last night and can't seem to wake up this morning. So far peroxide rinses and acupressure help with the pain during the day but at night all I can focus on is ouch, ouch, ouch.
Mom seems to be doing well except for being sleepy lately. She sleeps at night, I think, but will still fall asleep off and on all day also. She just appears tired.....to me.
I have been reading a book, Ambushed by Grace, Help and Hope on the Caregiving Journey, by Shelly Beach. I have only read to the middle of the second chapter so I can't really give my opinion on it yet. But I came across one sentence that has struck me as true to how I feel. I would like to share it with you. I have came across the question myself on how long will I continue this journey of caring for my Mom. I had always answered, as long as I can or until she becomes violent with me. Well she has already scratched me and smacked me and threw things at me. I am still here. I have had breakdowns, mental and physical. I am still here. So where is my proverbial line in the sand? The sentence in that book hit home, it is: "Until I've given more than I've received." Wow. That is how I feel. All summed up in seven little words. A mighty big concept for such a short sentence. Now how do I figure out how much I have received. I can't seem to find a simple math equation that would work in this instance. Like Mom's love x years I have been alive = amount of care and time I should devote to her care. Like how do I add up all the times she changed my diaper, fed me by bottle or spoon, cooked for me, cleaned for me, cared for me while I was sick, dressed me, provided for me in all areas of life, carried me when I couldn't walk, things she taught me, money she spent on me when she could have spent that money on her self, pretended to be happy so I could be happy, bathed me, worried about me, took me to church and taught me about Jesus, and on and on through infancy, childhood, adolescence, troublesome teenage years, and adulthood. How much does all that add up to, could you even begin to try to put a price on making me hot tea, chicken noodle soup, and grilled cheese when I had strep throat? I can not. So I will stay. I will stick it out. I will, just as she would and had. I will.
My husband wanted me to add this, I think to show off his smarts. LOL. The other day I made the mistake of using a permanent marker on the dry erase board that I have on the refrigerator to keep track of what I need to do, need to buy, and my honey do list for my husband. I thought I would need to go buy a new one but my wonderful husband knew how to remove the permanent marker. Get this, you just have to cover the permanent marking with dry erase marker and it wipes right off! Totally cool! Have a good day.