September 27, 2013

     Good morning. My headache decided to return last night with a vengeance. I knew it wasn't really gone just hiding. Now I feel very bad and Mom has decided to wake up early. I so hope that this headache doesn't last all weekend or it will make the weekend alone with my husband a very bad one. 
     The bath aide that comes and helps Mom get a shower, came yesterday. I am so happy to have someone to talk to that does this kind of work all the time. She gave me an idea that for some reason I had never thought about, maybe someone sometime had said this same thing but it did not register. She said I need a baby monitor so I could sleep in my bed again instead of sleeping on the couch. That seems so simple. The only thing I can think that it might cause problems with is if she wakes me up she might also wake my husband up as well and he has to sleep and get up early to go to work. I told him the idea and he thinks it is a good one. I will get one this weekend and try it when she gets back from spending the weekend with my sister.
     I had a moment of total breakdown yesterday evening. I do so well taking care of Mom during the day until after dinner then the sundowners sets in and she is a completely different person. For those of you that don't believe that sundowners is a real thing come down and hang out with Mom for one evening and see the change for yourself. I broke down, thankfully my husband was here to take over for me. I had to leave and sit outside. This is the first time I broke down and cried since she came home from the hospital. To tell you the truth I think my emotional distress was greatly increased because once I went outside I realized that the front porch steps that I usually sit on to think and regroup was gone. Replaced by a wheelchair ramp like a month ago. This is the first time I realized how much I had depended on the steps as a get-a-way location. A place I have went to all my life to cry or just clear my head or to think things through. Setting on the edge of the porch just isn't the same. After my husband got Mom settled down and setting in the recliner, safe and sound, he came out and sat with me. Let me vent and cry on his shoulder. How am I going to make it though the weeks to come when he is out of town for work?
     I need to go. Have a good day.

                                                          April Whitehair