Thursday, October 24, 2013

October 24, 2013

     Good morning. Mom slept great last night. Me on the other hand woke up extremely early with a headache, went back to sleep then woke up to a cramp in my calf but with the headache gone. Hopefully this isn't how my day will go. Mom may have slept well but she wouldn't spit out her gum when she went to bed and woke up with it all over her. I have definitely learned a lesson, no more gum for Mom, ever! 
     We got some bad news yesterday evening about one of Mom's brothers. He has been battling cancer for a while and now he has gotten to the point where he has maybe a couple days left. There is so many thoughts and feelings around this. Mom, with her Alzheimer's, isn't able to deal with the news. I have chose not to tell her, whether this is the right decision or not I am not completely sure. Her reaction to this news would be deep sadness, understandably, she would either focus on this repeatedly to the point of distress or completely forget that I told her and I would have to explain it to her again later. Either way it will not change the inevitable. Now in regards to my sisters and me this is a particular difficult situation, of course no where near as difficult as it would be to his sons, but we do know from experience what they are going through. We watched our Dad die slowly and painfully from cancer ten years ago. Though each of us would like to go spend time with him during his final days we are mentally and emotionally so not wanting to bring up those memories. It is a very hard thing for loved ones to watch a strong, super hero type man suffer so. Though it my be selfish, our avoidance of directly dealing with the issue at hand is purely out of self-preservation. Our thoughts, prayers, and tears go out to our Uncle and all the family. Thank you so much to those who are standing by him during his greatest time of need. We love you all. I must add here a sort of a disclaimer that I have not spoke to any of my sisters about what I have wrote in this post, for all I know they may have decided to go see him last night and none of what I said pertains to any of them except for me. I may have projected my own thoughts and emotions on to them. Though I must say that there was about a thirty minute discussion between my sister A and myself last night where we were going to go visit him, I actually got dressed to go, but both decided against it. Purely speaking for myself, I didn't want to go because I feel these last days should be reserved for his immediate family and those who have been at his side every day when he needed them the most. He should not be treated as if he is on display for the curious to see his suffering.
     With all that said I must go. Mom is needing me.

                                                               April Whitehair 

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